July 17, 2020
By: Baxter Castro Coffee
Based on my personal experience, and through my years as an ordained minister, I have had the opportunity to counsel a very diverse and wide range of single adults and divorced men and women. From this experience, I have learned that many individuals are very frustrated with their relationship status because they are seeking Mr. Right, their knight in shining armor or for the perfect companion. Their relationships tend to be short term because these individuals are still participating in the Dating Game.
What my book (The Flash Point Experiment), suggests is that, you stop playing the Dating Game, stop looking for the perfect companion or your future spouse, and instead start looking for your next or most essential relationship. Although there are dozens of categories in which we could list types of companions, I have reduced these to five:
- No companion – taking a break from dating, to give yourself time to figure things out and learn more about yourself and the needs you have that need to be met
- The toxic companion – spending time with an individual who is controlling, manipulative, verbally or physically abusive. A co-dependent or dysfunctional relationship.
- Just any companion – just dating whomever comes along because you can’t stand to be alone, these relationships are generally very short term and tend to be heavily influenced by one’s family, peers and cultural conditioning.
- Your next companion – seeking God’s guidance and direction for the person who most needs to be in your life right now. The transitional relationship(s) necessary to understand what you have yet to learn about love, loyalty, intimacy, boundaries, communication, sex, trust, etc. These kinds of relationships can be short term, but generally they last several weeks, months or even years.
- Your most essential companion –These kinds of relationships are generally long term and are the kinds of relationships that lead to marriage. These individuals are interested in helping you become all that God knows you are capable of being, and are supportive of your efforts to attain personal growth, spiritual development and physical well-being.
Since the scriptures teach that we find whom and what we seek (Matthew 7:7-8) it’s important to understand which of the above-mentioned types of relationships you are searching for. If you fail to do this you will always wind up settling for just any relationship, which in turn will rarely ever result in a long-term, meaningful relationship. For example, if what you are looking for in the way of a companion is a young man, who drives a pickup truck and lives in the country, you will ignore all other types of men who pass through your life, and possibly miss your most essential companion who happens to be an older gentleman who doesn’t drive a pickup truck and lives in the city.